It’s the middle of February, and the air is dry. There are fine lines emerging on my forehead, maybe because I don’t moisturize enough, but maybe as a harbinger of something greater: Each day I grow closer to my own death. Soon, I will be 30. I will never be younger than I am right now.
Fintech-founder-turned-longevity-guru Bryan Johnson has an offer that has caught my attention. For the low, low price of $1 million per year, I can pay him to show me the ropes of the “exact protocol” he’s followed for the last five years. He calls the program “Immortals.”
Yes, a guy who has received botox injections in his genitals will teach me how to supposedly reverse the process of aging. Why shouldn’t I believe that Bryan Johnson has uncovered the secrets to living longer than any other human? No, he has not yet proven his capacity to outlive all other humans. He was born in 1977, a year in which many current humans were born.
But why would I doubt the judgment of a guy who fortified his constitution with blood from his teenage son? When have the tech elite ever misled us? Should I also question when Elon Musk says that saving for retirement is irrelevant because AGI will create an economic abundance so great that no one will ever know poverty again?
Today, we are launching Immortals.+ $1,000,000 per year+ Three spots availableImmortals is the world’s best health program. It is the exact protocol I have followed for the last 5 years. It is your Autonomous Health.Includes a dedicated concierge team, BryanAI… pic.twitter.com/o2DGRtn7IH— Bryan Johnson (@bryan_johnson) February 12, 2026
According to Johnson’s post on X, this exclusive service — only three spots are available! — will include “a dedicated concierge team, BryanAI 24/7, extensive testing, millions of biological data points, continuous tracking, best skin and hair protocols, and access to the best therapies on market.”
I can talk to the AI version of a guy who livestreams himself doing shrooms for “science”? Sign me up!
Except I can’t. Because I do not have $1 mi …