Frank Spinelli, a physician and author, describes how the Covid pandemic unraveled what he believed was his recovery from childhood sexual abuse. Despite having worked with therapists, published a memoir about his experience, and helped secure justice against his abuser, Spinelli found his coping mechanisms deteriorating when lockdowns stripped away the external structure of his daily life.
During the isolation of lockdown, Spinelli’s relationship with alcohol shifted dramatically. What began as occasional drinks escalated into daily consumption, with Spinelli eventually hiding vodka in water bottles during dog walks and concealing empty bottles throughout his home. His husband, who had stopped drinking, confronted him repeatedly, but Spinelli continued despite promising to quit, rationalizing his secret drinking as harmless because he was not driving or bothering others.
The situation intensified when Spinelli received a 47-page questionnaire related to a class-action lawsuit against the Boy Scouts of America. As one of 95,000 alleged survivors, Spinelli was asked to detail his abuse for compensation calculations. His abuser was his scoutmaster, William Fox, who sexually abused him from age 11 between 1978 and 1980. In September 2022, a compensation fund of $2.5bn was established, but the process of documenting his trauma for legal purposes triggered overwhelming shame.
Spinelli grew up in Staten Island as the youngest of three children in a traditional Italian Catholic family. His parents had enrolled him in Boy Scouts hoping to build his character. Fox, who was also a police officer, used psychological manipulation to control the boys he groomed, creating hierarchies based on perceived favoritism. When Spinelli disclosed the abuse at age 13, his parents reported it to senior scout leaders but were pressured into silence, allowing Fox to step down quietly without prosecution, leaving other boys vulnerable afterward.
Spinelli documents his experience in his book, The Shame Compass, emphasizing that healing from trauma is not linear and that shame persists even when survivors believe they have moved forward.
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